I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
