You work out of a Hotel?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
