In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
