last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
