found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
