My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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