Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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