How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
