you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
zippers are such a cool invention
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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