In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
