you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
