You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
