My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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