i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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