foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
