"it" just moved
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize