my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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