After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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