i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
