He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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