after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize