man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize