you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
