So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
party gras won. party gras always wins.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize