i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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