Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
