I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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