she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
