OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
