He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize