I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
