My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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