i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
