Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i think i just lost a toe
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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