so explain again why im purple
no
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
