Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i've created a new STD.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
