I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
