i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
