I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
