mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm bleeding and have questions
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize