Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Randomize
