I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
