The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
