do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
