When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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