I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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