I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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