i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
