I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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