Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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