Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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