Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
