we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
