I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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