just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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