i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
two words: eviction party
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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