Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
