He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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