There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
