My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
