there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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