I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
