i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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