well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You are a genius and a whore.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
