I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
