Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
