Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
