I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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