My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
