She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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