Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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