Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
