mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
