so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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