Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
