I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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