Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize