Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
